coz, life will be perfect that way

2009-08-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

nobody comes here much anymore. good. i can rant then.

I HATE MYSELF ):
im annoying. really

i dono the reasons i hate myself. i do. i just do. just wait for me to cry. which actually i already am. SHEESH.

2009-05-31T23:13:00.000-07:00

edited by MEGAN SHEN.. heh.

this was extremely random o.o

from left to right: ammie, efaye, myself, megan.

haha. more pics at: www.megan-shen.blogspot.com =)

2009-05-28T05:28:00.001-07:00

i still love you. so shut UP.

2009-05-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

why do u have to look at me with those eyes?
straight into mine..
and then u give me that smile of yours
that makes my spine twine
gosh, i cant take it
im going crazy
i want to let go
obviously i do
but geez you've got me hanging on to you
i cant let go
you've got me glued to you
i swear im going to blow up
if i dont let go soon

its been two years
you've had me locked to you
will i ever let go
of this die hard crush?
gosh, i feel like screaming
if only i could
i miss you even now
if though i just saw you

you and that smile
that makes your eyes small
it makes my heart pound harder at end
or does it skip beats?
i can never tell
coz im too focused on you.

sigh. will you ever notice?
and feel the same?
but what are the chances?
none i expect.

bleh. i really do feel like bombing.

be glad im still holding on.

2009-05-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

written originally by megan (ahem, fox) shen. editted by myself (so she wouldn't sue me for copy print. hahaha XD)

The way I see you is so complicated,
it makes me so crazy in mind,
your the one who made me interested.
because you were so one of a kind.

As I look into your eyes,
I see nothing,
but when you look at her with your eyes,
she means everything.

As I see you staring,
I wonder what you're thinking,
I always hoped it was i, in your mind, your mind grazing
but my thoughts were hazing.

i cried and lied
day and night, who could help me? obviously not my might
hoping you would understand my heart's side,
with the thought of you as my knight.

I have dreamed a day would come,
that you would love me,
but would you ever love me too?
you weren't so mean
as to let me fall that heavily

loving you's hard
but i'll continue doing so anyways
coz u deserve it,
u one of a kind, all my days

I end this with a tear,
as you will never read this I guess,
because what do you care?
alot of thoughts, but me i guess.

sigh. haha.

2009-04-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

i feel a long one coming on... sorry to bore ya'll..

will i ever get over this?
i want to let go
coz it juz hurts so much..
coz it juz hurts too much..
its hard to talk to you
but not being able to say
everthing i want to say.

my skin tingles at the very thought of you
would u ever love me?
love me too?

sitting here
feeling like im going to cry
but im juz holding it in.

i dont want to draw attention
it'll juz carry more tension
i dont want to explain
i dont want to complain.

i dont want to.
i juz dont want to

i want to
oh yes i want to so much.

but u wouldn't understand would you?
i thought not.

of all my boyfriends,
of all my crushes
why does this one hurt so much more?
why does this one feel so much different?

i curse myself.
for thinking this way
i curse myself
for finding out i loved you..

coz then,
it felt like nothing
coz then,
we were so easy going
coz then.
coz then.

coz then
i would be able to laugh along with you
coz then
i would be able to talk to you
without feeling tension

it feels like you're perfect
but is anyone perfect really?
everyone has their faults
but to me
u feel
i think
ur like
i thought
i still do

u ARE. perfect

not seeing you for one day
feels like three days

not seeing you for one day
feels like three seasons

not seeing you for one day
feels like three years..

get a hint.
no. wait. dont

im in a whirl of emotions

as no one knows
mostly everyone knows
as no one thinks
everyone does

im not making sense
but to myself
it means the world

coz it juz hurts to much... _____________________________________________________________
its the way you smile
its the way you wave
its the way you wink
its the way you laugh
its the way you sing
its the way you play the guitar and drums
its the way you walk
its the way you talk its the way you are so modest
its the way you tease
its the way you joke
its the way you get annoyed
its the way you lag :)
its the way you play
its the way you run
its the way you say 'lol'
its the way you make me laugh
its the way you make me blush
its the way you're afreaid to tell me my faluts
its the way you want to make sure im not offended
its the way you act so cool
its the way you make so many girls fall for you
its the way you caught me too
its the way you make my skin tingle
its the way you hug me
its the way you're so smart
its the way you make me miss you
its the way you understand me
its the way you make fun of me
its the way you dont want me hurt
its the way you make my heart race, or was it skip a beat? maybe two?
its the way you teach me

its the way you made me love you...

2009-04-15T01:29:00.001-07:00

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
And as we walked we were talking
I didn't say half the things I wanted to

Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

They're dimming the street lights, you're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now, so come on and come out
And pull me near and shine, shine, shine

Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well, they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you?

I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

If you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

Myself
Can't help myself
I can't help myself

if only i could change steven to your name. but it wouldn't match. I LOVE YOU. =3

2009-04-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

i remember last time.. like.. last time.. haha. before my new found faith (even though i called myself a christian last time.. i guess i wasn't really one..) i remember trying to commit suicide like. 5 times.. i tried jumping of our balcony, i tried cutting myself with a knife.. everything.. even rope!

but there was one attempt.. that even then when i tried shocked me, i never knew i would do it..i was like, extremely happy.. i MEAN extremely happy,.. no one was home.. only my maid and i.. so no one would notice.. i went down into the kitchen took up a short pocket like knife and i actually cut myself in the side of my tummy.. yes.. i have a cut there now.. the scar aint visible, but yes, its there..

no one knows bout this.. but now u who's reading knows.. i was shocked i actually cut myself i dropped the knife on my toes - - my mum found out bout THAT. but not bout my tummy. lately my tummy's been hurting again.. n its not the tummy ache kinda thing.. its like.. cutting and tearing kinda thing.. if u understand..

2009-04-02T06:21:00.000-07:00

so i cry,

yeah i cry

but what for do i cry?

why for you of course.

thinking, thinking
these thoughts im thinking..
wondering whether i will ever
ever, confess how much i love you..

but would you understand?
understand the meaning of 'i love you'
those fragile words
that were meant,
only for a special pair of ears..
yours.

wondering, wondering
these wonders i wonder..
will you ever love me too?

questions, questions
questions asked but never answered
do you love me too?

but thinking, thinking
i know you love me too
just.. not the way i want you to?

questions and wonders
nobody knows
what the answer will be...
but i'll trust in the Lord
to reveal what i should do.

i hope i wont regret it.

2009-04-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

we have a cool melay teacher.. who speaks in english with a melay accent

when we tried to fool her.. she said this:
ey, ey, listeeen.. april fools is ONLY for fools.. okay?

if that is true.. then ELLIOT. U. R. A. FOOL. hahahahah XD.. along with many other people i fooled. =P

haha.. she's an awesome melay teach. she's like.. the best teacher so far haha.. too bad she ain't my melay teach..(she was my melay teach for orientation..)

2009-04-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

hey guys.. been kinda in a head in the clouds mood lately.. = = weird. i know.. haha..

so i got chosen to represent school for volleyball.. so yeah.. im like.. in the school team.. theres a competition in May and im training hard for it.. bleh.. tired..

ps. i currently know 7 people who have a crush on you.. me counted?

2009-03-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

okay, that was random.. but im in so much of a better mood =)

u made my day again.

2009-03-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

hey guys,

im not in a hyper mood, nor a emo mood.. but something IS bugging me..
this conversation

x(person not to be named)x: at least u guys go to the same school.. u can see him often

me: ugh... sure.. but even though we go to the same school.. we hardly see each other.. its like we're in different worlds in school.. not able to reach to each other.. sigh

xx: .... but still in same school ma..

me:......

xx:?

me: whatever u say. i miss him so much right now.

xx: ...

-end-

i dowana admit it but yeah, i love him, and i should make an effort to look for him and talk to him.. but hell, these days its like i only see him 2 times a week.. and judging by how much im in love with him.. thats now alot.

well.. he IS monitor and school runner.. so he is rather busy..

so i was crying the other night.. so i smsed him..

he wanted to meet me today... we talked the whole recess.. i feel better. coz ALL our conversations have its LOLS and HAHAHAs and its smiles. so yeah. im in a better mood..

if only he knew,
how much i've fallen for him
if only he knew,
how much he means
if only i could,
tell him how much i love him
if only i weren't afraid,
to tell him the truth.

take me away,
sky high
somewhere away
from where we are
somewhere i can look u in the eye
and say i love you
and hold ur hand,
the way it makes my spine shiver.

hell yeah, i love you.
i haven't told you.
but yeah i do.

megan.. that was not meant to rhyme..

2009-03-31T05:08:00.000-07:00

so, yeah, i made this blog coz my mum reads my other blog.. so i cant be so 'open' in it =) love ya'll

xx,
Jess